


Profane

by TheWild



Series: Gintama's Finest [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Blindfolds, Closet Sex, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/M, Female Reader, Fingering, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, Light Bondage, Multi, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Riding, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Spanking, Threesome, Wall Sex, blowjob, follows story arcs, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-08 19:56:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10394886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWild/pseuds/TheWild
Summary: You put them on their knees, with your slightly revealed neck and the biting of your lips you drive them crazy.And you love it.Shameless smut with the tiniest bit of plot.Based on ‘Profane’ by Ashe Vernon.





	1. Seraphim (Hijikata)

 

> _God, if you’re out there_
> 
> _if you’re listening,_
> 
> _he fucks like a seraphim,_
> 
> _and there’s no part of scripture_
> 
> _that ever prepared you for his hands._

You don’t know exactly how he talked you into this but with your hands tied above your head, wrists writhing against the cold metal of his handcuffs, you hardly care.

He’s not even doing anything yet, sitting at the table writing away at some silly rule again -you guess- as your kimono is slowly slipping down and away from your breasts.

Your obi is lying somewhere on the floor and at the moment, it doesn’t matter where.

You raise up your legs in a vain attempt to keep everything covered, when you hear him click his tongue.

“You’ve been hanging out with that dead fish eyed idiot too much, stop being so impatient.”

You shift your weight so you are facing him better, a scowl on your face.

“At least he doesn’t leave me hanging, _Vice Commander_.”

You know his fragile emotions shoot into the sky when you call him by his position: he loves it. Especially when you take it slow, plump lips eager and talking about _him_.

He finally gets up, loosening the first buttons of his shirt and taking off his coat. You lick your lips subtly.

When he leans down, spreading your legs apart carefully, he is looking right into your eyes. He always had that permanent scowl in his eyes and the position of his eyebrows didn’t exactly help, but you had learned how to distinguish between good scowl and bad scowl.

This was definitely a good scowl, you noted, when he pushed the kimono down your back so your chest was completely exposed.

“You know I hate it when you compare me to him,” Hijikata mutters against your neck, and he is right. But you also know it riles him up and makes him slightly more...active in bed.

Or, you know, on the floor in his room tied up. Wherever you tended to be, really.

“Myeah,” you moan as he starts kissing, softly tracing along your neck and down to your collarbones, “maybe you should make time for your lady instead of writing another reason for your men to commit seppuku.”

The playful tone in your voice leaves Hijikata smiling but he bites down temporarily on your neck, sucking and nibbling at the skin before finally raising his hand. It traces up your stomach and breast and then he’s cupping your cheek, tilting it toward him.

Drinking in the slight dust of a blush highlighting your eyes.

For a moment, he looks starving. You shift your leg again, trying to will away the heat pooling in your stomach. Hijikata doesn’t seem to notice or care and just pulls your chin closer and kisses you.

Softly, slowly.

Agonizingly slowly.

No tongue, no teeth, not his usual hurry when he wants to get back to work, just slow and sweet. You blush more at the change of pace and Hijikata loves how your eyes flutter as you try to divert your attention away from the kiss- to no avail.

He only lets go when he kisses down your neck again, nipping at the sensitive skin and enjoying how you try to lean in closer. When his hand lets go of your cheek, it goes down straight to your breast, rubbing and squeezing.

You bite down on a moan and the demon Vice Commander sees it as a challenge. Everything was always a challenge. He lets his tongue explore your other breast and when both the tongue and his fingers quicken their pace and impact on your nipples your legs scramble for a good footing.

You only open your eyes for a second to see him staring back and you quickly avert your gaze. Hijikata repositions himself: without stopping any of his motions, of course, but he frees his other hand to roam up and down your thigh, his nails dragging across the skin and always close- but not close enough- to where you want him to touch.

“Why so slow, Hijikata-san~” you purr, throwing your head back a little. You can feel the handcuffs starting to dig into your wrists- no doubt that was going to leave some marks. He doesn’t look up but his mouth stops for a second.

“You don’t like it?”

It’s low, and gruff, but the subtle sensitivity that he wants to make sure you’re enjoying it makes you lean in again.

“I do,” you moan as the hand on your thigh travels to your rear and his nails dig in, “just surprised, is all.”

It’s quiet for a few seconds as he lets his other hand move down as well, moving you closer as your body fits perfectly with the way he’s kneeling in front of you.

“Good,” he huffs, and when you drag your hips along his length he can’t help but moan as well, “want to surprise you more.”

You are not quite sure what he means by that since he has been naked and busy around you before and there’s hardly anything surprising about what’s in his pants anymore.

He raises your lower half up so you are more exposed to him than you already are, toes barely reaching the ground as you try to keep your balance. He quickly makes sure to waste no time: his thumb is rubbing your clit as his other arm keeps you steady, a litany of sounds escaping your throat as you shift under his touch.

You reckon his new strategy of making you moan has something to do with you saying how much time Gintoki would always take. Gintoki was a freeloading bastard, though, so it could hardly compare.

He carefully explores, pressure still on your nub as he carefully inserts a finger to ready you for what’s to come.

You can feel his member twitching as you move along to his rhythm, no longer having the strength to hold back your moaning.

You can see him lick his lips but he is so focused you can’t see his eyes.

You suddenly feel his tempo getting faster, and the clenching warm feeling is spreading along your body as you’re ready for release, back arching and your head thrown back despite the strain on your arms from the cuffs-

Until he pulls away, leaving you huffing and fumbling for air.

He lets you down completely- carefully, of course- so you are back to sitting on the hard floor and he starts undoing his zipper.

Like always, too damn ethical to take off his clothes.

The sound of a condom packet being ripped in half reaches your ears and you eagerly spread your legs, still breathing into your arm. He easily lifts them up over his shoulders, rubbing along your mound with his length and you pull at the cuffs, wanting to be free to position yourself. Damn him for taking his time.

You can hear him click his tongue and he trails a finger along your spine as he holds your other leg close.

“Always annoying me about going too fast and when I take it slow you’re like this,” he whispers, never stopping the movement of his hips. You give a moan before looking him in the eye.

“Hijikata, if you don’t hurry I’m going to _strangle_ you with these handcuffs-”

You can’t exactly say it as fluidly as you would’ve liked; huffing and puffing and moaning during the entire sentence. Hijikata’s lips are curved up ever so slightly at your impatient and lewd display.

He finally puts himself to good use and positions himself at your entrance, pushing slowly to make sure you are doing fine.

You decide words are overrated and give him a quick nod.

At once, he buries himself all the way in, making you let loose sounds he’d never really heard you make- not around him at least- as he quickly slipped into a steady, fast rhythm.

You try to get a hold of yourself and your curling toes, but it’s no use: especially not when he notices and brings his thumb back to stimulate your clit.

Man, he really took your challenges seriously.

It quickly becomes harder and harder to think- the pounding making him groan into your thigh, breath hot on your skin, as you have long given up hiding your moaning.

You suddenly feel his hips twitch and his grip tightens, surely leaving a mark on your leg as he lets out a final groan.

He doesn’t stop though. You feel yourself getting close again, heat spreading and leaving you with hazy thoughts and when he slightly ups the tempo- not by much- it’s enough to reach your climax, your back arching as you suddenly feel the dull pain come back to your wrists and thigh.

* * *

You’re putting your kimono back on carefully- it was expensive and the Vice Commander was damn lucky he didn’t get it dirty- when Hijikata suddenly looks up from his cigarette.

His deep stare leads to your wrists and you can guess that he’s feeling guilty, even though you wholeheartedly agreed to it and enjoyed it...a lot.

“Its fine,” you smile, grabbing a cigarette for yourself, “this kind of thing heals quickly.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, Hijikata-san, I’ve done this before,” you wink before skipping out of his office.

You don’t see Hijikata break his pen imagining the sight of you tied up in his office again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, back at it again in the morning writing smut before going to work!


	2. Worship (Gintoki)

 

> _He confesses how long he’s looked_
> 
> _for a place to worship and, oh,_
> 
> _you put him on his knees._

You never expected Gintoki, master Sadist, airhead extraordinaire and generally the guy who liked towering over you to make fun of your orgasm face, to suggest him kneeling down as you leaned over the desk.

Well, suggesting.

He didn’t lose his dominant streak. It was a demand, husky and low and it was as if your feet carried you there without second thought.

He doesn’t let you take off your clothes either, holding the kimono up and dragging your panties down as he orders for you to keep your hands behind your back, head lying down on an unfortunately based pen. You just hope you won’t have ink all over your cheek by the time this is done.

You can hear him almost tear the seams but for some reason he stops himself, as if he hasn’t torn at least 13 pairs to shreds yet.

Because of his fabric-tearing tendencies, you had taken to keeping a list so you could one day, when he would finally earn money properly, demand it back. Lingerie was not cheap and considering he loved it when you wore lace- pink lace, to be specific- he technically had no right ripping it into pieces.

You feel his hands tracing, leaving red marks wherever his nails pass because he loves digging them into your skin and his breath hits your thighs every once in a while- strained.

He must be pent up with something- whether it was something good or bad was hardly your business. Unlike Hijikata, Gintoki had been crystal clear about the extent of your relationship with him: no useless banter, only physical. You had a hunch that the man just needed something different from the sibling-like relationship he held with Kagura-chan and Shinpachi-kun or the ninja-stalker who was, perhaps, a bit too eager. And that one chick who looked really cool but was too easily flustered.

You hoped Sa-chan would never find out what exactly you were doing with her love interest.

Shifting slightly, you move the pen away from your face, the strain of tip-toeing spreading to your calves.

“Didn’t tell you to move,” Gintoki whispers to your leg- an action that would seem ridiculous if it wasn’t for the bite mark he left right after. You let out an annoyed moan.

“This isn’t good for my muscles,” you retort, tilting your head to try and get a glimpse of him but all you see is his silver hair, shining in the sunlight.

“Where are the kids? Aren’t we going to get caught?” you follow up. Gintoki leans his head against your thigh as his one hand starts drawing circles around your mound, slowly.

“Not if you hurry and satisfy me, we won’t.”

“I hardly can do that if I can’t move my arms-”

You let out a yelp when he plunges two fingers inside without warning, quickly settling in a leisure rhythm as you move your hips in time with him. The initial surprising jolt of pain settles down and you can feel pleasure rising up.

Gintoki knows exactly how to move his digits to make you moan, after all.

“C’mon, let me hear you,” he mutters, upping his speed before deciding that he doesn’t have to be restricted by only using one hand- he starts licking and teasing your clit with his tongue.

The thought of doing it in this place and the fact that it had been pretty long since you’d seen him make the heat rise up faster than you thought possible- cheeks blushing and stomach turning warm. Because it’s Gintoki, you prepare for him pulling away in the blink of an eye- leaving you high and dry like he tends to do sometimes- but when you reach your peak and let out a string of moans you realize Gintoki Sakata, for the first time in 13 months, has let you come without some convoluted way of displaying his dominance.

It surprises you so much that amidst your irregular breathing and the jerking of your hips you turn to look at the tuft of hair again, incredulously.

“Are you sick?” you ask, eyebrow raised.

He’s quiet but stands up, leaning down until he’s touching your back- not leaning on you, his weight carefully positioned thanks to the hand beside your head.

“Wanted to see how much you’ve missed me. By the looks of it, a lot.”

He makes sure you know he still is busy with your crease, stroking and exploring. Slower than before, sure, because you were still trying to calm down from the suddenness of before, but you easily became aware of the movement again.

“Why all the affection?” you mutter, daring to let one hand leave your back in favour of trying to find his groin. He grins into your hair as he jerks his hips upward, the hard-on he is sporting stroking against your ass as you fumble to undo the zipper of his pants with one hand.

Of course the smart-ass is leaning down just enough so your other arm can’t be moved.

“For the love of all that is Shounen Jump, stop asking so much questions,” he whispers, letting his fingers leave your folds in favour of stimulating your clit.

You try to think up a retort but get halted when you finally manage to undo his godforsaken zipper, quickly starting to stroke at his length.

He stands up a bit more than before so his free hand can join yours, guiding the way.

For some reason, he’d never let you do the job with your own hands. When you playfully stroke the tip, he lets out a guttural moan that joins your litany of sounds.

“I’d say-” you take a deep breath as he continues hitting just the right spot multiple times in a row, “you missed me lot as well.”

You mewl when he makes you pump his arousal faster, his movements on your nub becoming more frantic until he lets out a series of moans in your neck, breath hot and his cum on your thigh and hand.

“You have become _such_ a smartass,” he mutters, shuddering softly in the aftermath before getting back up, “is that because Hijikata-kun lets you sit on top? He lets you say these kind of things?” He neatly cleans himself off, putting his length back and closing his pants before looking you in the eye with a mischievous glint. In that process, he’s left you high and dry.

“What is going on in that head of yours?” you ask softly, smiling. He nods towards the desk.

“Turn around and spread.”

You wonder why- he’s clearly not going to use much more than his hands and tongue- but you comply slowly. You take your time sliding off the desk and standing back up, leaning down on the desk.

Gintoki will have none of that.

He easily picks up your legs and shoves you back some more until you are occupying the entire desk. It’s not the most comfortable- your head is lodged against the telephone and there are papers under your butt- but it’ll do if it means he’ll hurry things up a bit.

And oh, he does.

In mere seconds he has your legs lifted up, your ass not touching the desk anymore either- your arms scramble for a few seconds because it feels like he’s going to throw you into the sky- and he buries his face between your legs, lapping and prodding and scraping with his tongue and teeth.

Still aroused from before, it doesn’t take long for you to moan his name -not too loud, there are still neighbours- and beg him to continue as he drags your body a bit closer.

When his mouth shortly leaves your folds and travels to your clit, it gives you exactly 0 seconds to prepare for the orgasm that blooms in your folds and you careen into his touch, legs tightening around his head until you finally manage to collapse back on the desk, quivering with pleasure.

You make the mistake of looking at his face as he licks his lips clean and stares right back.

“You reckon you can go for another round?” Gintoki smirks as his hands somehow manage to play with your breasts. You give a small moan and try to position yourself a bit better.

“I’d love to know how many times I can make you come-” one hand twists at your nipple and you gasp, “all for me.”

You cannot form a reply: his warm breath on your mound, the orgasm slowly washing away and his hands being very touchy-feely on your breasts leaves you moaning and arching into his touch.

And he loves it. You know he does, he knows he does. He loves it when you are all sweaty and writhing because of his touch- he loves it when he’s the only one who can do something about it.

You love it when he gets you to that point.

“Bet ya _Toushiro_ -kun hasn’t seen you like this yet, huh?”

Another moan escapes your throat as you try to say that Hijikata is most certainly not inferior in the bedroom, but all that comes out is ‘ah’.

He lets go of your breasts and his hands immediately go to your folds, quickly bringing you back to the point where your toes are curling and you try to hold on to the desk for support.

When you almost reach your peak- gasping and moaning Gintoki’s name like it’s the end of the world- he lets go of everything but your hips. Which is good, or your ass would have smacked right into the desk.

You draw out a long moan at the absence of his touch.

“This is even better than tying you up,” he grins, voice low and soft and kissing your thigh, “free to do what you please yet completely at my mercy.”

“Gintoki~” you mewl, arching a bit higher.

That seems to be the thing that convinces him: he starts licking and stroking and once you are realizing he’s not just stopping in the middle of it again, you let the orgasm wash over you as you throw your head back, spasms of pleasure surging through your body.

* * *

“Hey, could you bring some ice-cream?” he yells at you while you’re cleaning your face in the bathroom. You roll your eyes.

“Get it yourself, you lazy ass. I got places to be.”

“You are no fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday today. :D


	3. Angel (Hijikata)

> _ When he sinks to the floor and moans _
> 
> _ like he can’t help himself, _
> 
> _ you wonder if the other angels _
> 
> _ fell so sweet. _

You meet Hijikata outside of the supermarket, eyes distraught as he is smoking cigarette after cigarette. It doesn’t take much words for you to realize what he wants; you follow him carrying your bag filled with pork buns. He might be able to use some comfort food with the way he’s saying even less than usual.

When you arrive at the Shinsengumi headquarters, and calmly stroll behind him into his office, you neatly put your bag down before you notice there is a screwdriver, slashed into four pieces, strewn across the floor. You don’t want to mention it but on the other hand it is so completely random you can’t help but look back and forth between the broken tool and the Vice Commander.

He looks at it with an annoyed twitch taking place on his face and then kicks one of the pieces through the sliding doors with a lot of strength.

“Hijikata-san, if this is not the time-” you start, reaching for your bag again. He lights another cigarette and sits himself down.

“No, it is. Just need to get in the right mindset.”

You smile and sit down on the opposite side of the table, handing him a steaming pork bun as you took one for yourself as well.

The silence was welcoming. You’d been hanging around each other for a while now, so this kind of situation wasn’t exactly awkward for either of you. It was kind of peculiar that he opted for quietly eating together before you two engaged in  _ other  _ activities, since he usually just liked to do it after.

Ah well, whatever floats his boat.

You haphazardly wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and notice Hijikata is done as well, playing with a pen he’d left on the table. You give him the sweetest grin, mischievous eyes focused on the way his mouth is slightly curving up. He might be called the demon Vice Commander but he was, actually, a very sweet man. Albeit not that good at emotional stuff.

“Where’d you like to go?” you ask, shrugging off your haori and neatly folding it. Hijikata takes off his coat as well, just throwing it down on the table.

“Don’t feel like getting the futon dirty.”

You give a chuckle as you shuffle over to him, carefully undoing his shirt.

“Alright then, no futon. Just the floor?”

He seems to think, looking around the room. You hoped he’d say no- you hadn’t forgotten the time a lighter was jamming into your shoulder the last time you’d been busy on the floor. It left a deep mark and you felt like someone was poking your shoulder with a needle for 3 days.

When he gets up casually, supporting himself on the table, you immediately join him. What he does next is rather unusual for Hijikata of all people: he hooks his arms under your thighs and makes you straddle him, a rather uncomfortable position with your kimono still on.

He takes care of that pretty easily by walking towards the wall: letting you lean against it as he loosens the obi and moves the bottom of your kimono apart.

“You’ve been all for trying new things lately,” you smirk as your hand trails along his cheek. He just hums.

“Gotta make sure you don’t get bored,” he replies, leaning into the touch of your palm against his face and closing his eyes. It is a sweet gesture, and your heart skips a beat.

“You could never bore me,” you whisper, pulling him closer to give a kiss on his forehead.

He doesn’t look you in the eye, leaning his head further down and leaving fluttering kisses on your neck, his arms raising your legs a tad so they’re coiled around his waist and he can free his arms.

You are lucky he’s supporting you enough so you don’t fall down when he starts undoing the obi at the back, continuing his kisses while you’re trying to get off his shirt and vest completely. A task that proves to be difficult when he won’t keep his arms still. When he hears your annoyed groan at this fact, he shrugs his shoulders a little so the vest slides down and your arms can do the rest, the garments slipping down onto the floor.

You could always stay a bit longer for clean-up. 

Hijikata’s chest is, as always, toned and lean: you let your hands roam along to give the view a sense of touch. He lets out the slightest hum of pleasure.

“I’ve missed taking off your shirt,” you smile deviously, and even though you can’t see his face you know he’s grinning as well: the way his trail of kisses becomes a bit more playful.

“I’ve missed this sight,” he retorts, the obi finally coming off and your clothes sliding away- he gives the kimono a bit of a push so he can admire your lingerie in all it’s glory. It doesn’t last long, though, because he quickly pushes the bra down.

He starts massaging your breasts as his face finally levels with yours again, and you shift your legs a bit so you can arch up comfortably.

“I can see that-” you joke, ending with a gasp when he fondles your nipples, worshipping your lips like there would be no tomorrow. You let out restrained mewls, trying to keep up with him as he slides an arm around your back and his arousal slides along your thigh.

He  _ really  _ missed you, huh.

The arm supporting your spine heaves you up a bit higher as he tongues your nip and lets his free hand move around to feel up your lower half through your wet panties. He goes slow- slow enough to drive you crazy as the familiar feeling spreads and you want more- but he takes his time. 

“Hijikata-”

“Want to drink you in,” he rumbles, slightly pulling the panties down as his hand finally travels to where you want it, “make you crazy.”

_ “Bet ya Toushiro-kun hasn’t seen you like this yet, huh?” _

Gintoki’s words travel trough your brain and you want to somehow capture this moment so you can prove him wrong- but that is probably a bad idea. Both of them didn’t particularly like each other and though they tolerated your hijinks- Hijikata lets the hand on your back travel down and you are suddenly trying to hold back with two hands toying at your mount- they most certainly did not tolerate each other.

You slip down the wall just a little but Hijikata’s hips drive you back to your original position and it is becoming harder and harder to ignore his length digging into your thigh. You let out a needy wail, stars in your eyes as you get close but are always just too far. He slows down enough for you to relax slightly again, even though your hips jerk forth in hopes of having the familiar sensation of  _ touch _ .

Hijikata tsks but you can feel him grinning against your lips.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispers, hot breath travelling across your breast.

“Please fuck me,” you say curtly, ending in another moan but the sheer confidence in your statement makes Hijikata groan roughly.

He makes quick work of the panties, ripping them easily with one hand- the bastard!- and then proceeds to unbuckle his belt and open the zipper of his pants. You then realize he still has to get a condom on and he just takes his sweet time. The struggle takes longer than you’d like and you let out rousing whine.

When his tip is finally at your entrance, nudging and waiting for you to give him another affirmation, even though it should be more than clear that you’re good to go, you pull at his hair. His head jerks back so he’s looking in your eyes and his gaze is raw: almost staring right through you.

“Please. Fuck. Me,” you hiss out, not easily intimidated and certainly not by a man you have been seeing in all kinds of states before. He’s still grinning. The damn bastard is enjoying this.

He wastes no time anymore and buries himself in you in one swift thrust- you cannot help the moan  that mixes with the gasp at the sudden sensation. He makes sure to keep you singing mewls by once again taking his time but opting for long, deep thrusts instead of short and steady ones.

You feel the warmth build up even more- where you had an incredible want before, there’s now a need, and you close your eyes as you lean into Hijikata’s neck and lean more on him.

His grunts are now right beside your ear, only making it harder for you to keep your arousal at bay and when he weaves a hand into your hair, carefully holding your head close to his body, he releases with a shudder and leans foreward so you are leaning against the wall again. There’s only panting and sweating and his hand caressing your hair.

* * *

You buy him a new screwdriver and the new Monkey Hunter game because you think he can use the distraction, but you find both items slashed into pieces outside the Shinsengumi headquarters when you pass. When you ask Okita-san what exactly is the problem, he just mentions something about alien abduction.

Sometimes, these people were absolutely _mental_.


	4. Prayers (Gintoki)

> _ He says his prayers between your thighs _
> 
> _ and you dig your heels into the base of his spine _
> 
> _ until he blushes the color of your filthy tongue. _

It  _ is  _ weird. You hadn’t heard from Gintoki for a while- and though you both had your own shit to do, he usually always managed to make time for a quick shag, if anything. On top of that, it was worrying you, because the last you’d hear from him was before the fight that broke out between the four rulers of Kabuki-Cho. You weren’t exactly personally involved, considering you lived on the outskirts of the unruly town, but you had heard about it. Your neighbour, a bouncer for Takamagahara, had apparently been right in the action and had told you all the details.   
Including the fact that a white-haired beast had single-handedly massacred at least 30 men and wounded so many more. You knew Gintoki’s battle prowess; even though he looked like a lazy bastard. You didn’t expect him to use it to that extent, though.

So when you found yourself passing the Yorozuya building, you couldn’t help but ring the doorbell. Kagura happily opened, some stray rice grains still clinging to her mouth and cheek.

“Hi there, Nee-san,” she greeted before burping. You smiled at her youthfulness.

“Hi, Kagura-chan. Is Gintoki home?”

She gives a quiet nod and leads you inside, where you see him laid out on the couch with bandages all across his chest. He seems to be sleeping, but you know better. 

“I’ll go take Sadaharu for a walk,” Kagura says quickly, knowing full well why you are here. You give her a quick wave before she rushes out the door with Sadaharu following closely. Taking a deep breath, you sit yourself down on the other couch and feel your throat burn when you hold it too long- this silence was deafening. 

While you were used to silence when spending time with Hijikata, you got nervous around a quiet Gintoki. Because he hardly ever was. When he still didn’t open his eyes after a good 5 minutes- you knew because you were smoking a cigarette in peace and managed to finish it quietly- you start tapping your foot on the floor impatiently.

“What’re you here for?” he suddenly mumbles, opening one eye. It’s practically lifeless- a distant shine highlights it and you raise an eyebrow.

“Gee whiz, I wonder what I could be here for. Haven’t seen you in weeks, I’m worried.”

He leans on his elbows and sits up more, legs still dangling off the edge of the couch because he is too tall, and you can fully see his scowl now.

“What, you’re going to act like a clingy girlfriend now? Gonna go all _Yuno Gasai_ on me?”

If it’s meant to be a joke it’s hardly obvious because his words are laced with a bark that you don’t appreciate.

“You’re the one being unnecessarily rude. But it’s fine, I’ll leave. Call me when you have your  _ joie de vivre _ back.”

You hadn’t even taken off your haori yet so you stood up casually and went for the door, making sure you went just slow enough to annoy him. You heard him groan at your attitude but he let you go.

* * *

3 days later, you’re arranging a bouquet when your telephone rings. 

“Hello, Okazaki Flower Shop, how can I help you?” you mutter into it as you let it rest on your shoulder so you have both hands free.

_ “Is that some kind of gag?” _

“Gintoki, if you only called me to be an ass-”

_ “I didn’t. You have time to come over, Okazaki-chan?” _

You paused, glancing at the watch on your wrist quickly.

“Give me half an hour.”

_ “Sure thing. Bring that black lingerie set, will you?” _

“You’ll just have to wait and see if I want to, won’t you?”

_ “That isn’t very nice.” _

“What’re you gonna do about it?” you tease, the playful smile obvious by your tone.

_ “Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you? See you then.” _

He returns the exact same sentence but the growl he adds to it sends a shiver up your spine- a good one. Seems like mr. Sadist got his spunk back.

* * *

It’s quiet when you open the sliding doors, carefully removing your haori and  geta . You quickly notice that the kids are out- it’s apparent because there is no giant space dog tackling you or Kagura asking you if she should wear something different. Even Shinpachi’s usual Otsu-noises are nowhere to find.

When you find no one in both the living room and bedroom, you decide to give a knock on the toilet door but are surprised when Gintoki’s suddenly waiting in the doorway of the bathroom, only a towel covering his valuables and the smell of fresh, warm shower wafting through the air.

“I want you stripped down to your underwear and in here in 2 minutes.”

His tone is stern but you can see him stare impatiently at your exposed neck, and on top of that, the towel hardly leaves anything to the imagination. When he closes the door again, you hurry into the living room and do exactly as he says- clothes are flying and when you’re done undressing, you take a deep breath and get in the bathroom.

Gintoki was scrubbing his back until he hears you enter- immediately grabbing the two satin pieces of fabric he had at the ready- and steps your way calmly. Once you’ve closed the door, biting your lip, he runs his hands down your arms and holds them together when he ties one of the fabric pieces around it, making sure the knot is tight. You don’t say anything, heating up in anticipation as you try to will away your blush.

It wasn’t often that he tied you up, but when he did, oh lord.

You were just getting used to the soft satin gripping at your wrists when his hands travelled back up, nails digging into your skin on their way there and he stops at your neck. You catch each other’s eyes for the briefest moment and you see the hunger before he moves to tie the other fabric piece around your head, covering your eyes. 

Your breath hitches in your throat and he chuckles, leaning in so his lips are on your cheek.

“You look so perfect, little kitten,” he purrs, “turn around and spread for me.”

It had been  _ so long _ since he last decided to do something like this and you can already feel the wetness down below. 

You carefully turn, leaning both palms against the frame of the door as you spread your legs- not too far, the tiles are slippery and an unwanted spread eagle would ruin the mood- and breathe slowly.

The first time his hand strikes your ass you gasp in surprise and one of your legs threatens to slip away- but Gintoki holds it in place. He’s clearly using some kind of method behind this: the slaps are hard but he takes his time massaging your cheek right after, all the while leaning with his mouth on your neck as he whispers dirty things against it.

You moan everytime he touches you, trying to hold onto the doorframe in a better way but managing nothing when he suddenly pulls away.

“Turn back around.”

You do, cautiously, standing up straight and holding your hands close to your breasts. When he clicks his tongue, you try to turn to the sound- but the echoing in the bathroom makes it hard.

“Still want those gorgeous legs spread,” he says, and you are convinced he’s grinning. You comply, and you are glad you do: the moment you are standing according to Gintoki’s wants, he leans down to kiss you- hungry and messy- and unclasps your bra and it’s strings in no time, hopefully  _ not  _ throwing it on the floor.

That thing needed to be put in the special laundry and you didn’t want it wet. 

When he’s done with that, his mouth travels down, leaving a trail of bitemarks and his hands on your waist to keep you in place. 

You can’t help but notice how gentle he is, even though you are the one tied up right now.

“You’re quiet,” he moans against your ribs, hands going down to the fabric of your underwear.

“You’re…” you pause, “you’re being kinda weird.”

Gintoki pauses as well, you feel his mouth stop and his hands become rigid. 

“Well,” he rumbles, “why don’t you show me how to do things then? Give ol’ Gin-chan an idea?”

You raise an eyebrow as you have no idea what he’s talking about until he guides your tied hands to your underwear.

“Play with yourself,” he mutters while he kisses your stomach, hand going back to support your waist as you carefully move your hands into your underwear, spreading your folds to find your weak spot quite easily.

He really should know this was nothing new for you. You manage to keep your noises down, only heated breathing escaping your lips while he keeps kissing your body. When you feel his hand pull down your underwear- while you are getting incredibly worked up- you stop your massaging because you are convinced he will continue. But he doesn’t.

“Did I tell you to stop?” he asks curtly, breath on your thigh.

You mewl. It’s the only thing you can do at the moment.

“Answer me.”

The commanding tone followed by the slap on your ass- hard and suddenly- sends another shiver down your spine and a moan escapes your lips.

“No,” you manage to say. You feel Gintoki bite down on your thigh, and you gasp again.

“You’ll continue until I’m satisfied.”

It was probably because you were preoccupied with your own pleasure, but you suddenly hear the familiar slapping sounds. So he was keeping himself busy as well. Your fingers travel back to your nub, tempo increasing as you feel the rising need to lean against something- but his hand won’t let you.

Battle prowess aside, the man could probably split you in half without breaking a sweat.

“Getting there, kitten?”

You arch your back in an attempt to reach release faster.

“I asked you a question,” Gintoki says, and you quickly nod your head.

“Yes, sir,” you pant, growing weaker every second. God, the warmth was almost unbearable.

When you are nearly there- and he knows, he knows by your slightly opened mouth and faster mewls- he draws your hands away from your mound and pulls you down onto the ground, leaning with your elbows and knees on the wet tiles. Gintoki wastes no time- he leans over and easily enters, pounding into you at a tempo that makes you see stars. It hurts at first but you have no time to complain considering he overwhelms you with his thrusts as you try to lean further down.

He doesn’t let you and opts for playing with your breasts instead.

“Come for me, darling,” he whispers with his mouth on your shoulder, fingers stimulating your nipples as you hardly know how to contain yourself, desperate noises escaping your lips as you lean into his touch as much as possible.

“Come on, come on,” he mutters again as he bites down on your shoulder, nibbling and sucking to turn it into a bite mark, his thrusts getting frantic as no doubt he’s close to the edge as well.

When you release, you feel the warmth spread and you give a last moan from sheer exhaustion, trying your best to keep your shivering legs standing as straight as possible. Gintoki’s clinging to you, done as well, moaning against the skin of your neck.

* * *

You only know he meant the whole thing as an apology when he offers to wash your hair and back, calmly combing through it.

“I thought you’d be scared of me.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. Not too much, though, so he can continue his work.

“That’s like being scared of a bunny.”

“Bunnies can be dangerous, you know,” he retorts, but you can hear him smiling.

“You owe me another bra.”

“Damn it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuno Gasai = that creepy-ass yandere from a serie I will never watch because yanderes scare the shit out of me.
> 
> Joie de vivre = literally ‘joy of living’, but actually means expressing being cheerful about life. ‘levenslust’ in Dutch.


	5. Damnation (Gintoki)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Tsundere' is a girl who acts all tough but actually wants love. Like Taiga from Toradora.

> _ You will ruin him and he will thank you; _
> 
> _ he will say please. _
> 
> _ No damnation ever looked as cozy as this, _
> 
> _ but you fit over his hips like they _
> 
> _ were made for you. _

You had just finished a delivery at a hotel when you got dragged into a closet- kicking and screaming at first until you noticed the strawberry boxers your assailant was wearing. 

There was only one person in the world who’d wear those hideous boxers. And probably also only one person who would wear them in public for some silly reason.

Said person’s hand was wandering inside your kimono at an alarming rate and you slap it, tsking with your tongue. You hear the slightest pout.

“Please just let me do this.”

You feel like telling Gintoki no: but you can’t do that without a proper reason.

“Why the hell are you in this situation?” you ask, trying to move around but failing. The closet is smaller than you anticipated.

“I...uh...I played a game and almost had sex with a console?”

If you had been able to turn around, you would’ve smacked him. Especially because his arousal- his arousal because of a  _ game _ , you had no part in it- was pressing up against your ass and you had to hold back a moan.

“If you think I’m going to believe that shi-”

He hands you a console that’s playing Love Choriss- you didn’t play the game but almost every person seemed to be playing it. Correction: every lonely person. It was slightly creepy.

“You are in various states of undress because of this shit?” you whisper, slapping his hand when it tries to reach under your garments to touch your breasts.

“You’re not going to bend over for me?” he growls against your neck, hot breath travelling across your cheek.

“If you think I’m gonna free up any hole for you when you’ve just said something like that, you are mistaken.”

A pause. He’s clearly thinking.

“What can I do to be forgiven, then?” he rumbles again, and the noises are so smooth and soft you feel like leaning into his touch right then and there- but you stop yourself.

“You want me to play a _Tsundere_?” you ask, placing your arm against the side of the closet so you can lean forward a bit more.

“No,” he says, filthy tone travelling through your brain, “I want to fuck you. Don’t want you to roleplay, want you to be yourself. Want to fuck  _ you _ .”

You bite your lip because, man, when the guy is serious, it is very sexy.

“In a closet?” you whisper back, voice slightly raising itself at the end. He pulls you closer just slightly- the impact of his warm skin hits you almost instantly.

“I’d fuck you in the middle of the street right now if you’d let me,” the growling is back and he has a bite in his voice that means he needs release- and fast, “take you right in the middle of Kabuki-Cho and make ‘em all jealous.”

You need some time to think up a response- the idea of it making you lightheaded.

“Game really...got to you, huh?” you smirk, but not for long when he pulls your kimono down and makes quick work of things: one hand massaging your breast as the other has two fingers in your mouth- making sure you keep quiet- and his teeth are biting down on your neck, licking and nipping with his tongue as well. You try your damndest not to moan, whimpers and squeaks escaping your lips past his fingers as he plays with your nipple. When you move your hands to hold onto his for support- the one making work of your mouth- he swiftly manages to grab both wrists and hold them down as you let out a whine.

His lips stop moving for a second while he smirks against the back of your neck, right below your hairline.

“Tell me what you want,” he orders, fingers still toying with your nipple as you try to focus on not making too much noise ànd on what he’s saying: both are hard.

“Touch me,” you mewl quietly, rubbing your ass along his groin for emphasis. You hear him let out a low moan as well: you’re glad you’re not the only one who has to hold back. When he moves the hand away from your breasts and sneaks it under the lower half of your kimono- just resting on your sex- you feel a shiver in anticipation.

He moves your wrists to meet his lips and kisses them briefly before talking.

“Tell me what you want... _ nicely _ .”

“Please touch me,” you beg, whispering. He rubs once, stopping quickly.

“Thought you didn’t want to do it here,” he mutters, but you hear the lull of amusement in his voice. Of course he enjoys this.

“Changed-” another rub, “my-” you bite your lip when his thumb gets close to your clit, “mind.  _ Please _ .”

“Please  _ who _ ?” he moans when you arch your back and your butt rubs his groin again- you know full well what you do to him.

“Please, Gintoki-”

The last sounds escape your lips and his fingers quickly move the fabric of your underwear out of the way- carefully, for once, so you won’t have to worry about going commando- and rub, a quick tempo keeping you busy as your cheeks heat up and you try your best to be quiet. You’re bucking up, leaning mostly on the hand that’s holding your wrists as you want to make it more comfortable for yourself, but it’s hardly any use. You are left writhing as his agile fingers continue fondling your cunt, stopping short every time he sees you tense up to make sure you would not release.

You  _ hated  _ how much you loved that.

You hear an elastic stretching and he lets go of your arms and your breast, the ripping of packaging entering your ears and he bunches the fabric of your kimono up your thighs, making sure not to rip it. He leans in close, erection resting between your thighs and touching your folds- driving you crazy- as he lets his hands go back to playing with your breasts. As he toys with them- massaging and pulling and slapping- he moves in jerks ever so slightly, your resolve crumbling as you try to hold back sounds.

When you realize that’s not going to work, you cover your mouth with your hands and feel Gintoki chuckle against your neck again.

“We haven’t even started and you’re already this out of control,” he whispers, “how adorable. Spread your legs a bit more for me, would you?”

You comply, your feet now touching the sides of the closet as Gintoki slowly enters you, your eyes sliding shut when he matched your rhythm of shivers, driving in and out at an excruciating pace.

He can’t help the smirk when he sees you remove your hands briefly and throw your head back to look at him.

“Faster,” you mutter, “Go faster.”

You bring your hands back as a precaution, not exactly knowing when he will listen, but when he twists both your nipples in unison you stumble back into him by yourself.

“You go faster,” he mutters.

Oh.

_ Oh _ .

You move one hand so it supports your body against the side of the closet, and start moving your body up and away from him only to slide back down, purring as you go faster and faster for your own pleasure.

Gintoki’s hands slide down from your breasts and play with your clit- you bite your tongue to stop the loud moan that was coming- and you feel the sensation spreading.

You can’t see but Gintoki’s eyes are closed as well, the feeling of your slick folds moving on his length making him feel better than he expected after the Love Choriss spectacle.

When you both climax, shuddering and shivering as Gintoki supports you while you stay in the same positions for a few minutes, you take another ten minutes to finally pull apart and get dressed properly again.

* * *

Shinpachi sees you exit the closet he saw Gin-san enter, but decides that is impossible. Even with your disheveled hair and youthful blush. And your kimono, not quite put on as properly as it is normally.

Shinpachi tries to ignore it all.

They aren’t in the late night slot, after all. Have to keep it family friendly, he tells himself, offering to walk you back home considering you look disoriented. 


	6. Ancient (Hijikata)

> _ On top of him, you are an ancient god _
> 
> _ that only he remembers and he _
> 
> _ offers up his skin. _
> 
> _ And you take it. _
> 
> _ Who knew sacrifice was so profane? _

You couldn’t believe your eyes. 

A suit.

He was wearing a suit.

And it looked  _ so good _ , but so unusual.

You’d never seen Hijikata without traditional wear. He always wore either the trademark Shinsengumi suit or his bleak kimono- never anything else. You sometimes wondered if he even had other clothes.

You took a bite of your apple, eyebrows scrunching.

_ Yes _ , yes, he did. That ridiculous Toushi costume. When you’d seen him in that you’d laughed for a full five minutes and your sides had hurt so much you needed a break from walking.

This, however,  _ this  _ was not a laughing matter at all. Sleek black suit and bordeaux shirt complete with a black tie- he’d pulled the tie off already but it had been there.

It was 5 in the morning, currently. It explained your drowsy- but upon seeing the sight that was the Demon Vice Commander in a suit,  _ horny-  _ mood. You’d gotten up early to finish some administration and had then gone to the supermarket that was open all night to get some fresh fruit, not expecting to find the man outside of Takamagahara looking like one of the hosts.

Hijikata Toushiro, feared by scum and Joi rebels alike, leaving a host club. Who’d have thought?

When he finally spots you, he goes through a series of emotions: embarassed, first, then annoyed, and finally he just accepts it for what it is.

“Nice to see you, Vice Commander,” you jest, finishing the apple and haphazardly throwing the waste into a nearby trash can. He comes a bit closer- obviously not wanting to attract attention- and hooks his arm under yours as he starts speed walking toward the Shinsengumi offices.

“Why are you even out here at this hour?” he hisses as your legs desperately try to keep up. 

“Couldn’t sleep. Did some work, needed food,” you shrug, ragged breaths leaving your mouth.

Finally, after a few minutes, you reach your destination and you can’t help but lean against the entrance for a second.

“Never make me speed walk, again,” you pant, tucking a strand of hair that slipped out of your updo behind your ear. Hijikata is looking at the action intently, considering it reveals your slightly sweaty neck paired with the redness of exhaustion- a funny look, but it’s endearing.

The gates of the Shinsengumi are still closed- soon enough, they’ll start their morning routine- so Hijikata hopes he can slip past prying eyes together with you. You just watch as he carefully opens the doors, trailing behind him quietly. You know he prefers secrecy, even though it hardly made any sense. You were pretty sure everyone knew about your  _ activities  _ already. You’d seen Kagura stare at you. Okita as well. With that glint in their eyes as if to tell you they know you aren’t  _ that  _ innocent.

The problem is that Hijikata’s room is the furthest away from where you are right now: you have to pass at least the general dormitory ànd Kondou’s office. The good thing about that is the fact that Kondou is probably out stalking Otae again, which leaves his office empty. The bad thing is that you are convinced Yamazaki will be up and about doing something silly like Badminton or Kabbadi.

You’re not quite right. All is quiet, until you both hear the sounds of morning training echoing through the base. Hijikata gives a sigh of relief: that must mean they won’t come find you.

“So,” you start as you close the door, carefully placing your geta by the door, “a suit, huh?”

The Vice Commander has already removed his coat, revealing the bordeaux shirt completely. It quickly becomes clear that it’s made from a very expensive fabric.

“Don’t ask,” he grunts, taking off his shoes as well.

“Wasn’t going to. Wanted to say it looks mighty fine.”

The playful smile on your face and the glint in your eyes sends Hijikata practically flying to your side, cupping your cheeks and kissing you like there’d be no tomorrow.

You try to lean in by standing on your toes but it’s a relief when he leans down more so your toes get some rest: his hands slip past your cheeks and into your hair, carefully undoing the updo you’d made just before leaving your house.

He soon moved his mouth as well, raining kisses down on your neck and you felt him pause at the hickey Gintoki had left not too long ago.

When the pause starts taking too long- you were pretty sure he knew about Gintoki and your relationship with him, right?- you cup his cheek as well.

“What’s wrong?” you whisper, deliberately licking your lips. Maybe some  _ persuasion  _ will get Hijikata back on track.

“You like it better rough?” he mutters, now kissing the palm of your hand with care. You take a deep breath, leaning your mouth close to his ear.

“You dumbass,” you say sternly, planting the slightest kiss afterwards. It’s all the confirmation he needs: easily starting to untie the obi and threading through the layers to open the kimono completely. When he pulls away, you pout, but he just moves to pull out the futon and some blankets.

You’re left standing there, falling kimono revealing parts of your lingerie and a lot of skin, while he neatly arranges the futon. Deciding not to just stand there like an idiot, you light a cigarette, looking around the room with hazy eyes. It’s only when you’re done smoking that you notice Hijikata has just been staring at you, unbuttoning his shirt.

“Sit down here,” he mutters, pointing to the futon casually, and you comply. You make sure there’s more skin revealed during the process in hopes it would get him to speed up a bit, even though you both were probably very tired.

He settles between your thighs and raises one leg over his shoulder, giving your panties a quick rub before taking them off carefully.   
At least  _ he  _ appreciated the cost of nice lingerie.

He kisses down your thigh, still fluttering and light, up your belly as he moves his arm to support your back when he lifts you up slightly. It’s a surprise when he starts licking at your sex, calmly and clumsily. You let out soft sighs, too tired to really try and make seductive sounds, leaning your head back and gripping at the fabric of the futon. When he stops, you whine, but he leans over and gives a kiss on your forehead.

And then, you get an idea.

“Let’s switch.”

Hijikata’s softly panting- no doubt getting excited at the sight- but you push him slightly so he complies and throw off your clothes in favour of the tie.

“What do you want to do?” he asks, focused on how you let the tie fall over your head and how it dangles softly between your breasts. 

“I’ll do the work, Vice Commander. Where do you keep the condoms?” you smile, and while he takes off his clothes- minus the shirt, that’s just unbuttoned- he points at the cupboard.

You waste no time finding one and settle down between his legs, carefully putting it on his length that was already quite erect, before standing back up and lowering yourself.

It takes some help from your hand to guide his tip to the right place but when you do, you hear Hijikata moan as you softly lower yourself. 

You take your time adjusting, arching forward a bit and accidentally letting out cry of pleasure, before you lift yourself up and back down again.

You can see he wants it to go faster- unfortunately, he was the one that wasted your legs’ potential with his speed-walking stunt a while ago- but it takes all your concentration to keep up what you’ve got going now.

Softly, his hands settle on your ass and he helps heave you up and down, both of you letting out soft grunts and wails. 

You really hoped Okita was up already.

When Hijikata’s tempo becomes faster- feral, needy- you feel the warmth spreading in your gut and you desperately try to hold on longer, but you fail as you let out a longing whine and lower yourself down on his chest.

He’s smirking, still pumping with his goddamn strength and when he releases, you feel his leg twitch slightly.

* * *

In the midst of your relaxing morning cigarette, still naked on the bed, you suddenly realize you left your groceries in the middle of the street where Hijikata picked you up.

“Hijikata...my groceries…” you mutter, leaning up.

Hijikata appreciates the fact that he can see your breasts quite clearly again and throws you his wallet.

“Go get some new ones.”


	7. Profane (Hijikata & Gintoki)

> _ And once you’ve taught him how to hold _
> 
> _ your throat in one hand _
> 
> _ and your heart in the other, _
> 
> _ you will have forgotten every other word, _
> 
> _ except his name _

“Look,” you point out, leaning back casually as your kimono slips slightly again, showing your collarbone, “this is probably too awkward for you two. Who even thought of this?”

It’s the first time either of them are at your place- and are suddenly painfully aware that you are actually the owner of a quaint flower shop and not just lying about your profession. How they hadn’t figured it out before was beyond you: you’d done nothing to hide it. They are both fumbling at the entrance of your dining room, looking out into nothing as you were relaxing after a long day of restocking.

“I’m surprised you two can even walk anywhere together.”

“Says the woman who owns a flower shop but dresses like a porn star,” Gintoki shoots at you, crossing his arms.

You scowl at that, lighting your cigarette and throwing your packet at Hijikata- he could probably use one right now.

“Excuse you but a kimono is still standard wear, mr.  _ Freelancer _ .”

That hit a nerve. You always said it in a mocking kind of way that made Gintoki think you were laughing at him- which is why you only seemed to do it  _ after  _ sex.

“So uh...you’ve just been doing...us...for fun?” Hijikata mutters.

Blowing out smoke and taking another drag, you finally turn away from the two baffled men.

“You two proposed, I just accepted. What, suddenly that’s not acceptable? You’ve always known who I hung out with and what I did. And if you hadn’t noticed, I never asked for money,” you shrug.

They are quiet because they know you are right- you’d always been open and honest about the fact that you were involved with both of them. And you didn’t need to remind them that it was Gintoki who had pulled you into one of Yoshiwara’s rooms after you had finished a delivery and he happened to be there, or that Hijikata had charmed you after a strangely coincidental car accident. 

“I just thought you were a lousy prostitute with impeccable timing,” Gintoki says hesitantly.

“We’re not  _ all  _ lousy at our jobs,” you fire back, slightly annoyed at his silly statement. You had no problem with them thinking you were a sex worker: but you drew the line at being called lousy at whatever job they thought you had.

Hijikata seems to accept the whole situation easily- he sits himself down at the table and helps himself to a cigarette and a lighter. Gintoki, however, was not as calm. It might be because you shattered his dream of dating an adventurous, free-spirited girl. Or he just didn’t like flowers all that much.

“It just suddenly feels like an unnecessary background reveal, you know? That they cram in for filler because they need to slow down for the manga?” Gintoki continues with a hum, still just standing there in the doorway. 

“Stop acting like a little kid about it,” the Vice Commander suddenly grunts, cigarette almost finished already even though you started yours sooner. You slide him the ash tray, eyes focused on the silver haired stray moping in your doorway because you are less cool than he thought you were.

“You want some tea, Gintoki?” you ask him calmly, giving him a soothing smile. That darned expression always makes him bend towards what you want- you don’t use it often, but you know the impact it has. He drags himself over to the table, staring out your window into the small garden you had with his dead fish eyes. You wait for his reply to your question- which only seems to come after a few minutes.

“I want to eat you out.”

You luckily aren’t holding anything you can drop- Hijikata, however, drops his cigarette on the table and scurries to put it out before you both stare at Gintoki. It was the weirdest, most straightforward proposal and he didn’t seem to realize Hijikata was right next to you two.

“Hardly the time,” you mutter, soft blush on your cheeks, “I can come over tonight.”

“No,” his reply is instant, “there’s...options.”

The way he looks at Hijikata when he says that suddenly makes everything clear.

“You don’t mean…” you start, but you don’t finish when Hijikata looks back and forth between Gintoki’s stare and you, eyes clouded and deep in thought.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Hijikata mutters and you look back and forth again. 

They were agreeing?

Next thing you know it would start raining cats and dogs!

“You must be kidding,” you smile, getting ready to stand up to actually get some tea, but Gintoki stops you by holding your wrist.

“What do you say, kitten? The two of us making you feel good?”

Although when it came to sex you were hardly ever flustered, this proposal turned your cheeks red. Hijikata’s stone faced and also looking at you, already another cigarette in his mouth.

“I- uh- I’ve never tried anything like that-” you start, but Gintoki turns on you with his heated expression.

“If you don’t like it we can stop. But you like me, you like him…”

“Yeah and you two can tolerate each other enough to be naked together?” you sarcastically reply. Your tone is light and playful but there clearly is a failing logic here.

Gintoki makes a fake vomiting motion as Hijikata’s eye twitches.

“My point exactly.”

* * *

The next day, they are back. They are back with some hell-bent resolve they pulled out of their asses that they  _ must  _ have a threesome with you.

You weren’t actually opposed to the idea- you just didn’t want a threesome where your counterparts would be bickering all the time. It seemed like more of a hassle than pleasure if you were literally the only thing keeping them in the same room.

“So we’re just going to have a mexican stand-off in my living room?”

You are not actually joined in the stand-off: it’s Hijikata and Gintoki. Because of the heat, both have removed most of the upper layers of their clothing. Even you are just walking around in a light yukata and no shoes. They are, however, completely ignoring you.

“Look, if you really want to do this, you’ll have to at least be  _ amicable  _ with each other. I’m not asking you to fall head over heels but...”

Instantly, both pairs of eyes are focused on you.

“So you want to do it?” they ask in unison. You sigh.

“I was never opposed to the idea. I am not, however, having sex with an old married couple that argues constantly,” you start, “which is what you two do.”

You can see Gintoki kind of agree by how he raises his one shoulder and nods.

“You’ve got no proof we’d do that while…” Hijikata starts, “...you know.”

You smirk, holding your cheek in your hand and licking your lips.

“So, who gets to kiss me first?”

Your ploy works perfectly: both of them say ‘me’ in unison, firmly, before blasting eye-lazers at each other again.

“Come back here when you have both decided to grow up. If you want a regular fling you have my number,” you tell them, shoving them outside and grabbing your phone.

You didn’t want to pay for three portions of pizza delivery, either.

* * *

They wait for a week. There’s no calls, no sudden grabbing hands that pull you into nearby closets or cupboards or rooms. You don’t particularly mind- you’ve had a dry spell for longer than a week before. And it gives you time to focus on your work.

When they are outside one rainy evening, both soaking to the bone and at your doorstep, you let them in with a warm smile.

Gintoki downs his tea in one go before turning to you. They’re both only wearing whatever stray clothes you had lying around that fit them- and it wasn’t much. The wet clothes they brought were already drying in your laundry room.

“We’re ready.”

“You’ve spent a week training for a threesome?” you chuckle, turning back to the crossword puzzles you were doing before they arrived.

“Training to get along with each other.”

Hijikata’s curt correction of your statement is equal parts endearing and hilarious. 

For you- and for your pleasure, they had tried to learn how to get along. 

For a quick shag, they had taken friendship lessons with each other. 

To blow their load together, they had spent a week engaging in friend-activities. 

You snort unceremoniously. How absolutely ridiculous.

“So?” Gintoki asks, looking at you with those focused eyes again, rooting you to your spot on the ground.

“I’m in. But the moment there is bickering for more than two sentences- we stop.”

That’s all they need. Gintoki’s the first to look for your bedroom: quickly finding it considering your house wasn’t that big. He takes off the borrowed clothes, sitting down on the edge of the bed and motioning for you to come over. Hijikata takes the invitation instead, leaving most clothes on and sitting down as well. You give a few taps on the table.

“We have to make some rules first, boys.”

The dark smirk on Gintoki’s face sends warmth to your cheeks.

“Easy. I’m the boss, we take good care of you, Luffy becomes Pirate King. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“You two have protection?” you ask, getting up carefully. Hijikata takes out a few condoms and puts them on the bed. Wow. They really prepared this thoroughly, didn’t they? 

You start undressing by yourself- calmly, carefully, waiting to see how they’d react.

“If you want us to stop, tell us,” you suddenly hear Hijikata say. Gintoki’s slow nod in agreement settles your nerves as well, and you smile.

“I will.”

Reduced to just wearing underwear, you carefully hold your arms at your side, waiting. They’re both looking- staring, even, drinking in every inch of you as if they  _ hadn’t  _ seen you naked before- and Gintoki holds a hand in front of his mouth, thinking. Hijikata seems to be waiting for the silver-haired man to talk first, but you’d rather they get on with it.

“Come sit down here,” he suddenly orders, tapping his thigh softly. You don’t need to hear that twice: you’re quick to move over, carefully sitting down and trying your best not to stare at their growing erections.

Gintoki leans down, nuzzling your shoulder and his hair tickling your ear, and you feel his hand trail along your spine before grabbing at your ass. The surprise nearly sends you tumbling off of his leg, until Hijikata is kneeling down in front of your legs.

“Spread,” they order at the exact same time- both voices filled with lust. You shuffle a bit- Gintoki’s thighs aren’t that big- so you are seated more comfortably and do as they say. Hijikata guides your legs over his shoulders, kissing both of your knees and then continuing upwards on your thigh.

He just pushes aside your panties, calm and collected, tasting with his tongue as he laps across your folds and sends you arching and moaning in Gintoki’s arms, who loves the sight.

It quickly becomes clear that this is not the best position, though. It’s when you almost fall again that, seemingly without much effort, both men hoist you up and carefully drop you on the edge of the bed as Hijikata continues licking. 

You have your eyes closed, drowning in the feeling, when you feel the bed dip. Most likely Gintoki moving- you hadn’t felt his hands on you anymore.

“Turn over, kitten. Let’s put that mouth to good use,” Gintoki’s no stranger to giving you orders- the sounds roll off his tongue but you can hear how needy it really is- but you reckon the sight of you careening from another point of view is new for him.

You comply, opening your eyes to see him sitting comfortably up against the headboard of the bed, legs spread. You lick your lips, going over, slowly taking in his length completely- it’s been a while for you but you still know what you’re doing.

You’re surprised again when suddenly Hijikata’s mouth is back and you accidentally stop mid-blow job to lean back as he goes over a particular spot that sends sparks flying. Quickly, you feel Gintoki pull your hair- softly, trying his best not to make this too rough- and his dark eyes inspect your face as you bite back moans.

Hijikata’s not stopping his oral exploration.

Yorozuya’s eyes linger on your lips as he seems to be thinking, but you need every ounce of concentration to not reel back and help the Vice Commander with some swaying of your hips.

“Oi,  _ Hijikata-kun _ . She’s too distracted.”

You know it’s not meant to start another bickering contest by the tone he uses, but Hijikata seems to pay no attention to it.

At least that’s what you believe until he stops with a flick at your clit, leaning up and over your back as his warmth envelops your back.

Oh, and the erection pressing against your ass. That sends some heat flying up as well.

“Switch?” Hijikata grunts, cupping your breasts briefly. You want to throw your head back but are sternly reminded Gintoki is still holding your hair by the quick tug he gives to make you look up at him.

He’s not looking at you though.

Your thoughts might be hazy from the stunning oral Hijikata performed but you don’t miss the stare they exchange. You get the feeling they might’ve done more than just friendly mingling to be able to do this- but that’s leverage you can use another time. 

As Gintoki’s attention finally turns back to you, he leans in, holding your chin with his free hand as he engages a demanding kiss, pulling you up and away from the Vice Commander’s embrace- at least, that seems to be the goal, but Hijikata follows, still playing with your breasts and rubbing against your mound.

When the freelancer pulls away, leaving you gasping for fresh air for a second, Hijikata does as well and you are left on all fours as they seem to contemplate what to do next. Gintoki’s hand even slips out of your hair. When that happens, you move into a sitting position, somehow trying to hide the proof of arousal between your legs by folding them.

“What would you like us to do?” Hijikata asks tentatively, letting his hand drag along your legs. You swallow a moan at the lust in his voice, giving a shrug.

“Don’t you know? She’s all dirty talk on the outside but when she has two men worshipping her she’s bashful,” Gintoki smirks, copying Hijikata’s idea- only he’s dragging his nails along your shoulder blades and back- “our little kitten doesn’t know what to do.”

“I’ve just-” you mewl, but you are quickly stopped by Gin’s hands digging between your legs and coaxes two fingers in while Hijikata leans in closer to lick and pull at your nipples.

You close your eyes and lean your head back with a moan, soon feeling the familiar tuft of perm hair on your cheek as Gintoki’s lips are on your neck.

“Just realized how good we can make you feel? Just found out what the one piece really is? C’mon, kitten, you need to speak up,” he’s smirking and you feel the hot breath travel down- Hijikata takes a moment to bite down softly and you whine.

Yorozuya’s boss was keeping up a fast tempo down below, plunging in and out with his fingers as you slowly felt the build-up to an orgasm. Paired with the extra pair of hands and Hijikata’s mouth on your breasts it was a lot harder to keep a level head.

So when Gintoki pulled out right before fulfilling your needs, you could only grip at his hair, angry and panting. His teeth are scraping along your neck and though it feels good- your leg is twitching in anticipation. Hijikata’s work on your breasts slows down as well as Gintoki’s mouth travels from your neck to your ear.

“What do you want?” he asks, demanding tone set with the roughness in his voice. You can also hear Hijikata rip condom packets: in the heat of the moment you’d almost forgotten.

“Please,” you sigh, “please fuck me.”

You trail off with a huff and feel Hijikata turning you towards him completely, arousal at your mound as Gintoki’s hands lock around your breasts, continuing to fondle where Hijikata left off. He’s clearly a lot rougher than the demon Vice Commander- a funny thing really. 

“Ask him nicely,” Gintoki’s mouth is still by your ear and the coarse lull in his voice makes you moan.

“Hijikata-san,” you start, needing to take a breath, “please fuck me?”

With a gesture of his hand, Gintoki gives the go and Hijikata advances into you- not quite too fast so you have time to adjust but fast enough so it still feels exhilarating. You moan names- after a while, forgetting which ones- with stars in your eyes, Hijikata nipping at your neck as Gintoki nibbles on your ear while they continue pleasuring you.

“Are you going to come?” Gintoki hums into your ear and you nod hastily. Your eyes are closed but when Hijikata pulls out- chest heaving as he tries to hold himself back as well- you open them, looking at Gintoki with a fire in your irises.

“I. Asked. Nicely,” you grit your teeth, breathing calming down a little bit- but not enough. Gintoki smirks, placing his hands under your thighs as Hijikata does the same. They keep their hands far enough away from each other but when you feel them lift you up and onto Gintoki’s arousal you mewl right into his ear.

Hijikata quickly guides a hand to his length, urging you to touch him as you slouch forward in the new position, Gintoki plowing into you like there’d be no tomorrow. You’re moaning into Hijikata’s chest as you feel him take sharp, deep breaths while you stroke him.

“Almost there?” Gintoki asks, and even though you first think he wants to ask you, he actually asks the Vice Commander who’s the only thing you can hold onto- and also as hot and bothered as you.

“Yeah,” Hijikata grunts softly, playing with your breasts with one hand and helping you stroke him with the other.

“Good.”

It’s the last thing Gintoki says before many things happen in rapid succession: Hijikata comes and has you lick his fingers as Gintoki wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you up higher. Right when he does, he slips into a higher tempo and you are quickly left a blubbering mess, arching back into him as you get close to release. You feel Gintoki climaxing and soon you as well feel the warmth below, relying on Hijikata to keep you upright as you rest your head in his neck.

* * *

“What made you two get along so  _ well _ ?” you hum, Hijikata handing you a cigarette as Gintoki grabs the carton of milk that was somehow conveniently placed inside your bedroom. You didn’t have strawberry milk, but it would have to do.

“We…” Hijikata starts but he stares off into the distance with that funny look in his eyes again.

“We got hit by a truck and switched bodies,” Gintoki mutters in between gulps, milk running down the corners of his mouth and onto his chest. You tilt the carton down and hand him a handkerchief you’d placed on your bedside table for when you’d have to sneeze in the middle of the night.

“You honestly want me to believe that?” you ask both of them, eyebrow raised. Hijikata takes a long drag of the cigarette.

“It’s true.”

“There was a dead cat involved as well.”

“You’re  _ both  _ idiots.”

“You like us for it though.”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Oooh, you like us! You goof!”

“We’re naked in a bedroom together, Gintoki.”

“She has a point.”

“Shaddap, penis-face.”

“You want my penis in your face?!”

“Guys, give me 5 minutes before you start another round.”

* * *

Shinpachi only notices the bouquet of flowers on Gin-san’s desk- chrysanthemums, he guesses, a beautiful red and white- when he’s cleaning the Yorozuya headquarters for the second time that day after Kagura ate too much rice and went running right after.

He also remembers seeing the same flowers somewhere, but he wonders where...

The Shinsengumi.

He’d seen them being carried around by the new recruit, the one who raps constantly, when they went to pick up Gin-san after his job there, and he was pretty sure Hijikata-san had said something about being careful with them.

It’s a peculiar occurrence, but he decides not to mention it. They all had their speculations about it, anyway, and it was no use mulling over Gin-san’s weird moods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red chrysanthemums convey love and white chrysanthemums symbolize loyal love (and truth, but that is redundant in this case :D)


End file.
